Saturday, July 10, 2010


The thoughts of the WTF conversation have been on constant replay in my head for two days. I keep hearing the same two words over and over and over again, gestational carrier. How did I get to this place? I am not a place where I can process the effects of using a carrier in combination with donor eggs...yet. For now, I can only focus on the logistics and I am sure the emotional elements will come out in later posts.

Thank you for your comments and suggestions after the WTF. I have read them all and have taken your words into consideration. As usual, I was prepared for the conversation with a list of questions, however I forgot to ask some of them, including the one about the endometrial biopsy. I plan to discuss this in more detail when I hopefully go for the hysteroscopy.

A. and I have talked about this and we both are on board with trying again with my uterus. I am not convinced that it wasn't an embryo issue that caused the miscarriage and so depending on how the next transfer goes, I may continue to try with my body. But, I do need to understand the gestational carrier process. I am a textbook type A personality and so I need to know what could be a realistic outcome for me.

I have spent the last two days reaching my options. I have found three agencies so far.
1. Canadian Surrogacy Options
2. Surrogacy in Canada Online
3. Surrogacy Options

I am really confused about this process. Not only is it HUGELY expensive, but I can not really understand how it works. Egg donation is simple compared to this. The clinic had a database and it was easy. Not emotionally, but practically. This seems so complicated. I need some help to understand this.

In just two days, I am swarmed with questions, I am hoping some of you more experienced ladies can guide me a bit.

If you have had any dealings with these agencies please share your experiences with me good or bad. I am really interested in the process for selecting a surrogate and the timeline for doing so. I am also struggling with the idea of having a carrier who lives away from me. I want to be a part of the doctor appointments because I need to feel connected, is this even a possibility? I guess I just need a place to start and to know that this option is ok, because right now I am totally freaking out about it.



  1. Hey R...I have NO idea (sorry) but check out some of these blogs I found on Stirrup Queens about Surrogacy:

    I think for fact I know if it was me, I would need to have a Canadian, local surrogate in order to feel less of a "third wheel". I think I would seriously ask a few friends to do it for me before I went with an agency surrogate - only because I have two friends that offered. I think because in a surrogacy you have to adopt the baby kinda thing and would be less complicated if the surrogacy occured in Canada. Other thoughts on a US surrogacy is that you could be on the hook for the hospital care and in the scary event neo-natal care thus driving up the costs further...just some comments on the topic as we investigated US international adoption and this is what one case worker told me. So nothing concrete but some good questions to ask if seeking a US surrogate.

    But my brain's been on overdrive too. I had a freak out session of my own tonight freaking out "what if my lining doesn't cooperate"? I've felt so confident that DE will be the end all be all which lead me to strategize that we should do the mock cycle before donor does stims because what if I can't make good lining then Plans C,D and E would have to be used. And I don't think I'm ready for Plan C - surrogacy. DE was a huge decision as it was. Then anxiety paid me a visit followed by freak out about life without kids, guilt that I couldn't go through with it for sake of DH...whoa who's blog is this anyway?? Anyway, I definitely get a taste of your reality and I am so sorry this is happening.

    BUT if I were you...I would try using your uterus again. Kinda a crap shoot AGAIN!! If you're've got a tonne of awesome embryos to use so might as well transfer a few more to your uterus - hey it's only emotions?!!

    But back to that crappy place...decisions, decisions. I'll be standing here no matter what you decide HOPING for the best!!

  2. I don't know anything about the surrogacy agencies, can your RE's office give you any help there?

    If it was me in this situation, I'd definitely give it another shot with my own uterus.... To my knowledge a blighted ovum is an typically egg issue not a uterine one (but I'm no doctor!) so there's a chance it was just pure bad luck.

    Whatever you decide I'll be cheering you on!!

  3. I just wanted to pop in and say that I totally get where you are at. As you know, Dr Sch gave us the same info. He has NO idea what is wrong with my uterus, but is suggesting we consider a gc. I so wish we had someone we knew that would do it for us. I have done a tiny bit of research, but you are right... it is crazy complicated and expensive.

    So we are giving my uterus just one more shot and then we will go from there.

    Thinking of you!

  4. I agree that I would also give your uterus another chance. But you know me, I am all about figuring out Plan B (or Plan C...) before I'm even done with Plan A. Do whatever makes you feel better, but try not to let the surrogacy thing stress you out or overwhelm you yet. You will get it figured out if you need to.

  5. aw man, i thought you were goin all gangster on us with the processin' LOL
    i hope you find the answers you need. i wish i had them for you.
    how are you feeling physically? sorry i didn't w/b on thurs/fri? i had a fuckton of work from being off tues and wed.