Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I had my weekly social worker appointment today with SJ. I really needed her today. A lot has been going on and I haven't been doing well emotionally. I feel sad all the time, angry all the time and scared all the time. Things are happening at A.'s work right now, and it looks like we might enter some financial lows for awhile. Not. So. Good. So yes, I'm a mess.

For all the amazing things that A. does, he doesn't always get the way I grieve. I'm sure I have mentioned before, that I tend to shut down, cry and pull back. He is the opposite. He always has such a great optimism that most of the time, I rely on, however when I am low, I need realism. I thought it would be a good idea for us to go to SJ together. So, I went first to have some one on one time and then A. came in.

SJ was amazing. She really got A. and I on the same page. I needed A. to understand how fragile I am. Not being pregnant is all I think of. I put on a brave face. I go out with friends, I hang out with A., but it is always on my mind. I have told A. this before, but I think it was good for him to hear it from SJ as well. I also needed A. to understand how to help me emotionally. I am not easy, I know. A. is so amazing and loving and sensitive, but sometimes, I feel like he treats me how he wants to be treated instead of how I want to be treated. All I want is time to grieve and cry and maybe a shoulder. When I'm in this state, I am not ready to hear the positivity, I just want to be in the moment. He understood and is going to try. I love him for trying. It means a lot.

I think we left the session feeling pretty good. We both have a better understanding of what we need to get through the next few weeks.



  1. how nice for the both of you. it sounds like a momentary reprieve. refreshing...

    im sorry to hear about his job. *sigh* that really stinks. i know, we were both there for a LONG time. i hope it's all just a false alarm.


  2. You know he means well, and it is nice to hear he is trying. but I get ya - my husband wants to "fix and be happy" when I get sad about all of this. When all I want is a shoulder and space to be sad.

    I'm hoping AF comes on time tomorrow!

  3. Oh I'm so sorry about the job. You do not need any more stress. I'm glad you had a good session together though, that has to help.
    Thinking of you!