I spent the entire afternoon lying to my students. They were working on their public speaking assignment, "What I Know For Sure" and I was helping them brainstorm topics. Grade nines are so idealistic in their views of the world and I just cheered them on today. They came up with topics like, what I know for sure is that with hard work you can succeed at anything, what I know for sure is that all my dreams will come true and what I know for sure is that I can overcome any obstacle. I didn't have the heart to tell them that these are all lies.
What I know for sure is that even though I try my hardest, some things are out of my reach.
What I know for sure is that I will never be a biological mother.
What I know for sure is that even with a loving supportive husband and family, I will never feel whole without a child.
I wish I could go back to the days where I was naive and believed. I remember when A. and I first started TTC and we met our RE, we both believed we would be the quick fix. We joked about needing just a bit help. We thought, I would take some pills and have sex and WOW, pregnant. Obviously, this didn't happen. Even when the pills didn't work and I needed to move to the injections, still I believed it would work. When we moved from timed intercourse to IUI, again I believed and when we started IVF, I thought for sure this would be the answer. When we went to the magical CCRM, I knew it would work. I was wrong each and every time, so why should I believe now? What I know for sure is that each time I have tried, I have failed.