I didn't get a chance to write yesterday and there is so much to say...
I had two roommates in university, one from Boston and one from Bermuda; we have remained close friends and have seen each other a handful of times since (mostly at our weddings). The one from Bermuda came for a visit on Saturday and spent the night, she had her one year old daughter with her. I thought about not having her stay with me because of the pain and sadness it would bring to me, but only seeing this friend once a year if that, I decided it was more important see her. I cannot even think of words that would explain how difficult it is when the first infant/child to sleep in your house is not your own.
When she first arrived, it was difficult. Her daughter is beautiful and she is such a sweet mom with her. My friend had an easy pregnancy. No morning sickness, no terrifying blood or ultra sound reports and no excessive weight gain (only 17 pounds). Three weeks before her due date, she went to the doctor because of severe leg pain, her OBGYN decided that she needed to get the baby out and she had an emergency c-section.
The baby was born with severe health problems. Her internal organs were a mess and she needed immediate surgery. Dad and new baby were sent via air ambulance to the Halifax children's hospital where she underwent the first of five surgeries. It is a miracle that the baby survived and is still here today. She is by no means "fixed" but doctors are optimistic that she will eventually lead a normal life. Thank God.
Her daughter was ill when she arrived so we decided to be cautious and took her to the ER. After a few short hours, we were sent home with instructions for what to look for and the baby girl seemed to be doing much better. While in the hospital we had a lot time to catch up and really talk (our communications are mostly messages back and forth on BBM so it was nice to have a conversation). I explained to her the struggles of my IF while she explained the struggles of being a new mom to a special needs child. There were many aspects that were similar. It was almost as if we bonded over situations.
Infertility is heartbreaking, but it is no where near as devastating as a sick child. BUT, the way we deal with these situations is similar. Her and her husband are having a tough time. The stress of the situation is becoming too much for them. I shared with her my miscarriage story and the toll it took on my marriage. No one except my mom, really knew a lot about my problems with A. so it felt good for me to share with someone. I also shared how we got past the darkness. My friend has kept her daughter's condition private. Only a handful of people know the specific details, while the rest think she has a digestive problem. As such, it was reassuring for her to hear about my marriage turmoil as it was similar to what she was experiencing.
People admire the strength of my friend. As she says, what choice does she have? This is the same I say about my situation. If I want to keep fighting the IF fight, I need to just push forward. Like her, I research my options, try to make the best decisions I can at the time and then put one foot in front of the other and take the leap. It is not strength, it is what it is. I know my friend's daughter has a long road to recovery, but she is lucky that her mom is the best and will do everything in her power to make sure she has a happy childhood and access to the best medical care to help her.
My friend is now back in Bermuda and her daughter is feeling much better. In the end, I am glad that I was able to spend some quality time with her and her daughter.