Friday, April 9, 2010

What I Know for Sure

I spent the entire afternoon lying to my students. They were working on their public speaking assignment, "What I Know For Sure" and I was helping them brainstorm topics. Grade nines are so idealistic in their views of the world and I just cheered them on today. They came up with topics like, what I know for sure is that with hard work you can succeed at anything, what I know for sure is that all my dreams will come true and what I know for sure is that I can overcome any obstacle. I didn't have the heart to tell them that these are all lies.

What I know for sure is that even though I try my hardest, some things are out of my reach.

What I know for sure is that I will never be a biological mother.

What I know for sure is that even with a loving supportive husband and family, I will never feel whole without a child.

I wish I could go back to the days where I was naive and believed. I remember when A. and I first started TTC and we met our RE, we both believed we would be the quick fix. We joked about needing just a bit help. We thought, I would take some pills and have sex and WOW, pregnant. Obviously, this didn't happen. Even when the pills didn't work and I needed to move to the injections, still I believed it would work. When we moved from timed intercourse to IUI, again I believed and when we started IVF, I thought for sure this would be the answer. When we went to the magical CCRM, I knew it would work. I was wrong each and every time, so why should I believe now? What I know for sure is that each time I have tried, I have failed.

-R.

3 comments:

  1. oh im so sorry.
    i know that eventually something has to work, right? or am i just the crazy eternal optimist that everyone wants to smack?

    what I know for sure is that whatever roundabout way takes you to motherhood, you will be hands down amazing at it. xoxo

    i hope that helps.

    *my sis is an 8th grade teacher and she does a similar lesson with them called "this i believe..."

    she sent me this one to read...http://thisibelieve.org/essay/18108/

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  2. "What I know for sure is that even though I try my hardest, some things are out of my reach."

    This is the hard one for us over-achievers to accept. And when we do, sometimes we take it to heart TOO much. I *really* believe DE is going to be your silver bullet. And not because I'm farting rainbows and unicorns but rather because the science says so.

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  3. I just read the link that lis posted above - I literally couldn't agree more.

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