Today was my first day back at work after the long weekend away. Emotionally, I am feeling pretty good. I am really starting to think that this cycle is going to happen and that is making me both optimistic and nervous. I have restarted my regular electro-acupuncture twice weekly regimen and that also contributes to making this all seem more real. Physically, I am not doing so great. You know how they say you block out the pain of labour so you will have more children? That is me with the hormone medications and their awful side effects. I should say that if a drug has any possible side effects, you can bet big money that I will get all of them. Lately, I have been experiencing migraine headaches quite regularly from the Lupron shots as well as constant hot flashes throughout the day, and on top of that, I have a cold. Now I'm whining because I just don't feel well.
I know that this all hopefully for a good cause, but when I think about what I have put my body through the past three years, I feel sick. I can't believe that I am still in this place. I think back to the day that my RE told me the Clomid wasn't working (after 5 days) and that I needed to start on the injections, boy was I hysterical. That was the worst news I could have heard. And now, three years later, I am getting shot all over the place in a variety of locations while I am on the phone or watching television or being completely blase about the whole thing. Wow, I have changed. I still hate needles, but am not as afraid as I once was. Don't get me wrong they still hurt and it doesn't help much that A. thinks that he is a Dr. from all the injections he has given me which makes him quite cocky at times, but for the most part, he does a decent job.
I think I am reaching my breaking point with all of this shit. I am sick of the mood swings, headaches, the constant schedule and all the other stuff. I'm just feeling done. Yes, I am so excited to be actively in cycle, but if this doesn't work, I am not sure what my next step will be as I just hate where I am now. Although, I will probably forget these feelings and keep going, knowing me!