Highs and Lows

My high is simple. 25. Yes, you read correctly, Ms. Perfect got me twenty five eggs. I think this is more than my four retrievals put together. I know that they won't all fertilize, but at this point, I am thrilled. I was so nervous all day, I think I checked my blackberry about one thousand times looking to see if I had an email or missed call. Finally, I broke down and asked the nurse what time to expect to the call. Her reply was that the embryologist will call me tomorrow with the fertilization report. I DON"T THINK SO. I need something positive to focus on right now. I was not going to take that for an answer, so I made the nurse call the IVF lab to find the results. I think they are being extra nice to me because of all the screw ups there have been. Twenty-five, I can't believe it.

I'm sure you can guess my low. I am still feeling beaten right now. I can't stop crying. I know this isn't the end of the world and that getting a negative would be worse, but right now I feel pretty awful. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to have to continusously tell A. that my body failed me yet again. Not only tell A., but my principal and co-workers as well. No, they don't know about my infertility, but they did know that I was going to be away for a "medical procedure" and that now it is cancelled. Just like that, gone. I can't stop thinking about this and what happened. I can't even try and begin preparing for my May transfer as I am so scared of getting burned a third time (don't they say bad things happen in 3s?). I hope I will be able to heal soon and focus on the future. On the bright side, I did eat a chocolate chip cookie today. Yum!

-R.