I am scared shitless. Of what, I am not sure. The unkown, I guess. The upcoming conversation with the doctor today about my lining, the donor and of course, my chances for success. What if my lining doesn't cooperate, or the donor doesn't produce any good quality eggs or worse still, everything is perfect and it still doesn't take? What will I do then? I know it is not healthy to think worst case scenarios, but when that is what you've always been, it is pretty difficut to reprogram your thinking. I think this the main reason that I am so fixated on the other elements: my diet, the acupuncture, massage, and hypnosis. These are the elements that I can control.
Dr. Schoolcraft called and immediately I wanted to dive right into talking about my lining, but he had other plans. He wanted to discuss Ms. Perfect and her cycle first. Okay. It turns out the name Ms. Perfect is very fitting for her. She is progressing quite well with "many" follicles and the leads are between 16-18 so we are right on track. He thinks the retrieval will probably be moved up a couple of days and she may even trigger (given the HCG shot to ovulate) on the weekend. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe it, we are actually cycling. We then discussed my lining. He reassured me that I have never had a lining problem before and he is hopeful that I will pass the next check. He also told me that Viagra works fairly quickly and he has seen lining double in a day with this medication. I asked him if there are any other things I can do, like drink Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, and he wasn't sure if it would work, but it won't hurt...I took that to mean drink up!
Monday is my next suppression check and it is when we now if it will be a fresh or frozen transfer. I am really hoping for a fresh, however Dr. Schoolcraft assured me that with the new vitrification process for freezing embryos, there is a 95% thaw rate and so our chance for success should not decrease. I am feeling a bit better about this, although I am still praying for a fresh.
When I finished work, I went and bought a box of Red Raspberry Leaf Tea and have already had two cups. It doesn't have a taste really, so it is pretty easy to drink. I just hope all my extreme measures pay off and thicken this lining.