In continuing with my quest to leave no stone unturned to solve my infertility, I have also turned to religion. Being Jewish, I have always felt a strong connection to God, even though I am not Orthodox. I have asked the advice of a Rabbi and have discussed the different stages of our journey as each has presented itself, and have always been amazed by his understanding, compassion and faith that things will work out for us. This Rabbi is the same man who married A. and I five years ago and we have grown to confide in him and trust his advice.
He suggested I go to the Mikve, a ritual bath designed for Jewish women to achieve ritual purity after menstruation or childbirth. At first, I was a bit hesitant around this idea. It is not as easy as taking a bath, there are many stages involved in using the Mikve. First, a woman is said to be unclean once her menstrual cycle begins. She must then wait seven clean days after before immersing in the Mikve. For fertile women, it works out that the weeks that the man and wife are together, are the most fertile weeks of her cycle so this ritual is centered around fertility. This is said to be a spiritual time for a woman where she can openly talk to God and ask for what her heart desires. I decided to give it a try. My first immersion was fourteen months ago.
The preparation surround the Mikve is both intense and spiritual. I must bathe myself for thirty minutes making sure to remove all polish and makeup. This is a time for me to reflect on life and focus on the cycle ahead. I then go into the Mikve and dunk three times. Each time I am thinking about the reasons why I am doing this. After the three dunks, I am left alone in the bath to reflect. This is my favourite part. This is the part, where I bare all and put it out to God and the universe what my fears and dreams are. When I am finished, I get dressed and go home and reunite with A. (also a favourite part).
Tonight is my Mikve night and as much as I enjoy this ritual, I am hoping that this will be my final time...for a while.