Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Difference Between Them and Us

Fertiles and infertiles I mean. I have been thinking about this a lot lately as it directly relates to my sister and me. I have written before about the extremely close bond that we share and I am so thankful that this has not changed due to our pregnancies. If anything, you all were right, and we are experiencing the joys (and my fears) together.

After spending the night at the mall together I observed three differences between her and me.

1. Fear

With my recent spotting incident I have been hoping and praying and hoping and praying, you get the idea, that I could at least make it to the ultrasound. Her take is that if god forbid something were to happen, it isn't real until you see the heart flicker on the screen so it may be easier. Um, no! This was 3+ years in the making and I have never gotten to this step. Obviously, I want/need/hope/pray that this pregnancy will continue and bring me a healthy baby, but that doesn't mean it isn't real because I haven't seen an ultrasound picture. Well, actually I have. I have the picture when they implanted. So there, score one for the infertile!

2. Gaining Weight

My sister and I both have average body types. I am short (4"11), and carry most of my weight in my abdomen, ugh. And she is taller (5"5) and has her weight more distributed. I would not call either of us fat, even though I have gained a good 15 or so pounds from IVF. She is starting to gain a little pregnancy weight. It is cute actually. She has a teeny tiny belly that comes out at night, but other than that, she looks the same only a little fuller. Well, she hates it. So you know what I would give, to gain some pregnancy weight? Um, my left foot? right arm? $150 000? You get the idea.

3. Sharing the News

I always thought I would wait until twelve weeks to share pregnancy news with friends and family. (I don't even have a FB account so that would definitely not be the way I would do it.) I have since realized that nothing is a guarantee and we need to enjoy the moments we have. I *think* if we get to this stage, I will feel confident sharing my news after two healthy ultrasounds (8-9 weeks). Her on the other hand, needs to wait until the superstitious time of twelve weeks. Ok, to each their own. Knowing that anything can happen at any time, I just want to be able to have moments of joy where I share news with the people I love. Is this the wrong attitude?

I am not generally a nervous person. I think of myself as a pretty level headed thinker, who is a realist. When I have reason for concern (like the spotting/bleeding), I react accordingly. Otherwise, I'm good. This is why, I *think* I am ok with my telling plan. I reserve the right to change my mind a thousand times between now and then.


I got my latest BETA results back today and it came in at 7842. Not a huge jump from two days ago. I did a lot of research on Dr. Google today as well as speaking with the nurses at both the local clinic and CCRM. Not so significant as the doubling time decreases as the number increases. I am choosing not to worry or think about it (often) and hope for the best at Monday's ultrasound.

Symptoms: the fatigue is back, nothing else really.



  1. Everything you wrote is so true! I think your plan is a good one!

    As far as the betas, from what I've read they don't usually do betas once you're that high because the doubling time can vary so much. I'm so excited for your u/s on Monday!!

  2. That's still a 77% increase (if my math is correct)...that's still awesome! I agree with Mel, you're betas have been high since Day 1 so I *think* I would rest easy too.

    And tell when you're ready...whenever you think. I like the idea of "telling" after two ultrasounds. Why not?!!

  3. I like your point about being able to have your "moments of joy" sharing your news about your pregnancy.

    My philosophy on sharing news of pregnancy has been that I will only tell people who I would tell if I miscarried. So this includes close friends and immediate family only (except for my father & stepmother, but that's another story). In fact, when I had a chemical pregnancy last summer, those were the only people I told.

    I do wonder if I could actually hold out telling everyone else until the second trimester if I ever have a pregnancy that lasts that long. I'm not really one to keep good news to myself.

  4. I'm sure that 'differences' list could go on and on and on. But I'm so happy you're finding and experiencing all those moments of joy--you certainly deserve them! I'm sure that number is just fine--can't wait for your u/s!

  5. I've been thinking about telling people before the mythical 12th week - "Hey, if this doesn't work out, I'll need all of their support." How's that for the pessimistic IFer showing her scars?

    Glad the beta is increasing - from what I've read, once you reach into the 1000's, they become less reliable (as in, not always following the doubling rule). As long as it is increasing, that is good.

  6. Don't take me for a Debbie Downer okay? I'm just going to speak from both experience and the heart.
    At 10 weeks we thought we were completely safe. That nothing would / could go wrong. It was our first pregnancy and we were so incredibly blissfully happy that nothing could bring us down off of our cloud. Then we had the worst day of our lives 2 weeks and 2 days later. J called all of our friends and family to tell them about the m/c. This was so hard on him. He made the calls, not me, and this was so difficult for him emotionally that he is refusing to tell anyone until I'm 15 weeks.
    I know it's hard b/c you are so excited, your dream has finally come true and you want to scream if from the mountain tops.
    With this baby I did tell my good friend who suffered with IF for 13 years and 2 of my colleauges, other wise it's only our parents and siblings who know. Just like S said above, we have only told the people that we would tell if I had another m/c.
    I hope you don't take this the wrong way...I'm just trying to offer some perspective from the other side. You don't want to think about a loss and I certainly do not want that for you either but once you live through one you never want to go through that again.
    Sending you big hugs and lots of love. I look forward to reading about your u/s on Monday!!