The final dose has been taken. Again, no severe pain, but also not a lot of blood. I am worried that there is something still left. I have a call into the local RE to discuss the next steps. I will have an ultrasound and repeat beta tests until it is back to zero. Apparently, the longer it takes to get back to zero, the longer it will take for my next period to arrive. Waiting game again. UGH!
Physically, I'm managing. Psychologically, not so much. A. and I are having a hard time dealing with the grief and I fear we are taking it out on each other unintentionally. We are both suffering in silence instead of together and this has been the worst part for me. I miss him and need him, but am hurting too much to be the first to give in (no matter how stupid or silly that sounds). I haven't left the bed in days and don't really have a desire to, but think I need to. I may try and get some fresh air today even if it is only for a few minutes. Maybe it can help me get some perspective?
I know that this pregnancy was only a few weeks, but I was attached. Even though I knew things can go wrong and it was still very early, I let myself get attached. Now, I am trying to keep my head above water. I know that it will get easier in time, but it is just so damn hard right now. At times, I still feel pregnant and this is the cruelest part. The part where you forget for a second that your world has been turned upside down and may never feel normal again. I was shown a glimpse of happiness and it was ripped from me in a matter of seconds. It took three and half and years to get this glimpse, I hope if there is another glimpse, it won't wait so long to find me.