It has been a really hard few days and I suspect that they will continue to be difficult as A. and I navigate ourselves through this time. Last night we finally were able to begin talking. He was able to get a lot off his chest, which was both difficult for him to say and me to hear. But I think it needed to be said.
Yes, I think the grief and the shock of what has happened to us brought this, but it was probably inevitable. I have been in IF hell for three years and that isn't easy for anyone. A. feels that I put others before him. I didn't know he felt this way. I guess if I'm being honest, I do do that. As I explained to him, he is the only person that understands what I am going through so I think I took that for granted. I feel like I need to act that everything is ok with me in front of our family and friends and its exhausting so I don't pretend for A., I use the knowledge that we have a strong committed marriage to just withdrawal from the world and I guess I need to put more of an effort into making him feel important.
Our problems are not solved...yet. We are on the right track, but we have a way to go. We are going to see SJ on Friday and hopefully she will help us continue to build on the progress that we have started. As A. says, if we weren't in love, we wouldn't be fighting to keep our marriage. I have to keep reminding myself this.
Today is our six year anniversary, but we aren't celebrating or really acknowledging it, and that hurts. I am sad and I feel alone, but hopefully in time it will get better.
So I ask you, how has infertility affected your relationships and how did you come out on the other side?