I have been bleeding on an off both red and brown for a few days now.
I have been crying on and off since yesterday. I have moments where I am numb, not feeling anything and can carry on a normal conversation and then instantly start crying at what seems like the drop of a hat. The tears are streaming down my face and I can't stop them. I am obsessively searching the Internet for similar stories with positive outcomes, but the same thing keeps coming up, blighted ovum.
From what I have read, a blighted ovum occurs because of a chromosomal abnormality usually with the egg. Um, isn't that why I had an egg donor? How can this happen? Why is this happening?
A. had to work late last night so aside from a lot of phone calls here and there, we haven't spent time together. I usually love him for his optimism, but right now, I need him to be realistic. I need him to understand that the odds are not in our favour and this is most likely not going to turn out the way we wanted or hoped. I need him to lay beside in bed and hold me as I cry myself into a tired daze where I am able to close my eyes and forget. I need to forget the happiness I felt for the last few weeks as it was all a mirage. It wasn't real. This pregnancy wasn't real.
How do I prepare myself for the inevitable on Monday? How do I make it through the next three days where one of them is Father's Day? How do I talk to my sister while at the same exact time that I found out there was no fetal pole and therefore not a viable pregnancy, she got her twelve week confirmation that hers was progressing on track?
People call me strong, but I don't feel strong right now. I feel broken and cheated and empty. I just don't know what I did to deserve this? I really thought that once I had a positive hcg test, I would be in the clear and have a normal pregnancy. I guess that is not in the cards for me. It just sucks.