Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dose 1

First dose is down and it wasn't bad at all. I took 800 mcg of the pill and had a pain killer every six hours. To be honest, I think I psychologically felt some cramping throughout the night, but not in reality. I did sleep, which was really good. I also listened to my hypnosis cd right after i put the pills in so that calmed down a lot.

The worst part by far was sitting in the bathroom before I inserted the first dose. I just held my tummy and cried. This was the time that I was really saying goodbye and I love you. It was probably the hardest moment of my life. I just wiped my tears, took a deep breath and did it. It sucked, but its over. I have been in bed ever since.

This morning, I am bleeding with dark clots (that look like period clots thank god), but only when I go to the bathroom. Thankfully there is nothing on the massive overnight pad my mom bought me. I heard that the heavy bleeding will be today, oh the joy. The other side effect that I think I have is the chills. I am usually so hot, but I am feeling chilly, although not exactly feverish. I'm sweating a bit, but can't be without the covers. If this is the worst it gets, I can do this.

A. has to go out this morning. His cousin had a baby and today is her baby naming. In Judaism, this is where the child is named in a synagogue with her Hebrew name. His cousins from out of town will be there and I would hate for him to miss this. He would have stayed back to be with me, but I know this is important for him. He has been really amazing and suportive through this whole mess and I think this is the first time that we have been on the same page when given devastating news. Maybe this is my bright light? My sister will come and hang out with me this morning until A. comes home. Things are fine between us, but I am sure my emotions and feelings will go back and forth as her pregnancy progresses and her body changes, but for now, I am not letting it ruin our strong bond.

My second dose is in about an hour. Hopefully it will be the same as the first one. I am so ready to just be done with this and move on.



  1. Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you.

  2. I'm relieved to hear the first dose wasn't too bad - I hope it stays that way. You are in my thoughts today.

  3. I'm thinking of you and A - hang in there.


  4. So glad to read that so far it's not that bad physically for you. Your attitude is rock solid as always. Again so sorry you had to go through this...but I really, really believe the next round will be the one...I truly believe it. On both of my miscarriages I said prayers and talked to them like you did and told them mommy loved them very much. I burned a candle for a few hours for each one...kind of signified that they were real and that they did exist. Your baby did exist and that's why it hurts so much. So glad that your bonds with A and your sister have been unaffected...if anything sounds to be stronger.

  5. hugs R, i am hoping and praying this is swift and as easy physically as possible. i can't imagine how hard it is mentally. im glad you have a lot of family support. xoxo

  6. R--

    I am glad the first dose wasn't so bad. I hope that continues. Thinking of you.


  7. So glad this is going much better than you anticipated. Denver is not good at following up on anything or asking how you are doing. Actually, no one is accept your good friends and virtual friends. Hope is continues to be easier than you imagine.


  8. I can't imagine how hard that must have been to have to put that pill in. You are very strong. I'm glad it doesn't seem too bad and that you were able to get some pain meds too. I am thinking about you today. It will be all over soon and you can work on healing and moving on. Hugs!