Monday, June 14, 2010

I Came Out Today

First, I emailed my CCRM nurse this morning to keep her updated on the bleeding situation and my beta results. Although she did say my number was strong, she also said that we need it to continue doubling. I don't know, but something about the tone (and it is so hard to infer tone in an email) has me a bit freaked. Almost, like she thinks there is a chance that it won't double. I'm not going to worry about that. I'm going to be positive.


I came out at work today. No, not about being pregnant (I'm very supersticious), about being IF. It actually felt really good. It was never really secret, but I don't walk around with a large sign with flashing lights either. On Friday, I was proctoring an exam with a collegue. He and his partner are starting to think about family planning and how expensive it is (tell me about it). He made a remark about me giving him one of mine, to which I replied, sorry I can't.

This got us started on the conversation of IF. Seeing as he is contemplating adoption and surrogacy, he immediately asked about surrogates. I replied that wasn't my problem and the conversation was dropped. Today, it was brought up again, only with two more people. The four of us were sitting around the staffroom table marking and again, this collegue was discussing the 100K price tag associated with family planning. I needed him to know that I thought his quote was a bit on the high side.

I explained to him the cost of IUI, IVF and DE IVF in both Canada and the US and when the others around the table asked how I knew so much, I replied, this is my reality. No one said anything, I thought that was a bit odd, but ok.

When the others left, he continued to ask questions. Not in a prying way, but in a wanting information way. This was the first time I admitted to using DE to a real life person. It felt weird and oddly normal. I wasn't embarrassed (not that I thought I would be) or upset or anything. It is what it is.

He asked questions about how to choose, where to go and other things. I answered as best I could.

At the end of the conversation, I think he felt a bit better and I felt great that I was able to help someone who I know in real life. It was cool. (I did lie about where we were in the process though).

Symtoms: is it possible they are dissappearing?


ETA: David Hasseloff is on Young and the Restless today. LOL! Talk about a blast from the past.


  1. its always nice to have someone to talk to, especially someone who wants to learn because even the most sympathetic ear can get bored by all this shit! i know it bores me and i have to know it!
    don't let CCRM bring you down. they probably just dont want to light off firecrackers and balloons like you do! and nurses tend to get cranky sometimes :)

  2. Hey R,

    There are so many stories out there when it wasn't looking good and then there's a baby born 30 - 34 weeks later. I used to get so annoyed with DH when I was freaking out and he'd tell me to relax and stay positive. So if you want to freak out...that's okay. I know you're probably thinking "you're supposed to tell me something that will make me feel better". Sorry hun I wish I could too. Just know that I think of you often and pray EVERY day this will work out.

    Actually today I had a 2 hour conversation with my neighbour who did 13 IUIs two IVFs 2 failed adoptions and then managed to get pg by fluke so she was good to talk to her as she really understood what was going on. We just met and we've been neighbors for a year now. We had a certain "radar" about each other - weird how that happens.

    I then had supper with two dear friends. They know and our immediate family knows about our DE decision. But no one else knows. But it does feel so good to finally let it out to non IF people. And for once they actually understood!! Imagine.

    Hang tough there chicky...hugs, hugs, hugs...


  3. I'm coming out
    I want the world to know
    Got to let it show
    I'm coming out
    I want the world to know
    I got to let it show

    There's a new me coming out
    And I just had to live
    And I wanna give
    I'm completely positive
    I think this time around
    I am gonna do it
    Like you never do it
    Like you never knew it
    Ooh, I'll make it through

    The time has come for me
    To break out of the shell
    I have to shout
    That I'm coming out

  4. I think it's always good to talk about this process and educate people. Because really ~ people are pretty ignorant when in comes to IF.
    Also wanted to say that I hope all is going well for you! I know how hard the waiting is but hang in there.
    Other options for calcium are broccoli and almonds :) I just had a 6 mo dental cleaning today and my hygenist said to make sure I'm brushing my teeth after my 2 am snacks too :) She said a lot of pregnant women come in after they have a baby and they have cavities! We eat too many crackers and carbs to settle our stomachs and it reeks havoc on our teeth!
    Sending you hugs