My grandmother is your traditional Jewish bubbie, sweet, quiet and would do anything for her family. Around the time of my wedding, my grandmother fell and we decided then that she needed live-in help. It was not an easy transition for her to loose some of her independence with now having a caregiver in her house. My mother decided that it would be nice for her if she came to stay at her house on the weekends.
My siblings and I try to spend as much time with her as we can (my mother is an only child and my grandfather passed away when I was six) so that she is not so lonely. Lately, our visits are on Friday nights during our Shabbat dinners. My parents are away on vacation this week and so my grandmother was at her apartment for the weekend. I decided that it would be fun to invite A., my sister and brother-in-law and brother and his girlfriend over to her house for brunch. It was the most amazing afternoon.
I woke up early to get a pedicure (I needed to refresh my red polish to bring me luck for the next lining check) and then went and picked up the food for brunch. I got the traditional stuff and we set up a nice spread at her house. Since she has started spending the weekends are my parent's house, I haven't visited her at her apartment in what felt like forever. It was so nice being there and remembering many family dinners and brunches.
Her apartment is filled with family photos of her family. The walls are covered with wedding portraits, Bar/Bat Mitzvah portraits and some candid shots of us from over the years. In one sense, it is lovely to see that her "art" is us, however, I couldn't help but think about that. What if the only "art", I have on my walls, is art?
On paper, our FET should work. Donor eggs should work. But what if it doesn't? I don't have a back-up plan for my back-up plan. I have always been the type of person to plan out steps B, C and D before A is complete, but this is my last option. I am trying really hard to be positive because this time is different, but it is tough. Being at my grandmother's today just reinforced once again, how much I really want this to work.