Yesterday was a rough day for me. I don't have to tell you that, you could read it my words and hear it my tone. I am still completely shattered that in terms of my fertility nothing is going my way. Yes, I have an amazing husband who loves me, and a very very supportive family, and a house, and my health (not withstanding my infertility); but that does not take away the constant saddness that IF has brought to my life.
Infertiltiy has striped me of so many things. My privacy, my happiness and my relationships with friends. I tend to pull away and protect myself to the extent of secluding myself. In terms of fertility, I am young. So young, that my entire circle fo friends is in their child-bearing years, and yes, I am bitter about that. Currently, A. and I have five really close friends that are expecting. That is a lot, and it is very difficult for me. Every get together with friends revolves around pregnancy symptoms and babies. Gone are the days where we discussed our latest vacation, work or even mindless dribble. I miss those days. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you can not imagine how I feel. It is not your place to judge me, just support me. Or don't. Just be respectful.
I am not comparing my stuggles to get pregnant with cancer or any other horrible illness or fate, but let's put some things in perspective. Infertilty sucks. Not being able to be genetically linked to your child sucks. Having your entire circle of friends experience your biggest dream while you enviously watch from the sidelines sucks.
I first started this blog to have an outlet. We all deal with grief, stress and emotion differently. We, in the blogsphere, need to support eachother not put eachother down. It is not easy to admit your faults, or let your vulnerable side show, or even share your deepest fears; but that is what I am doing and anyone who doesn't like it can go read someone else's blog!
I am not going to stop writing, thinking or feeling because someone doesn't share my opinions. That is what I need for my sanity. I am not going to apologize for expressing myself.
To those of you who respond and comment with thoughtfullness, perspective and advice, THANK YOU. Your comments mean more to me than you can know, it truly does lift me up and helps me continue to fight for my goal.